With Valentine's Day coming up, many people's thoughts turn to romance. But as
the years go by, how do couples keep the spark alive in their marriage? What are
some of the necessary ingredients that keep the fire burning year after year?
Being able to laugh together
Being able to have fun with your partner, makes life so much more happy and
productive. Having a sense of humor and being able to laugh at each other's
foibles, makes conflicts easier to resolve. When each partner shows good will
toward the other, it offsets the negative, allowing each to express their individual
differences.
Taking time out to be alone
Having a weekly date night alone without the kids, helps to reinforce a positive
connection. This night is for fun, and not for discussing issues in the marriage.
Being able to relax, and not focus on bills, or other problems, helps a couple to
relax and focus on each other. It doesn't have to be a night to spend a lot of money,
but to listen and enjoy each other's company. Spending enough intimate time
together enhances immunity and feelings of security.
Praying together
Being able to pray together as a couple, helps to turn trials into triumphs A three
fold cord is not easily broken.(Ecclesiastes 4:12). As God is allowed to be the
center of the marriage, stressors become easier to manage and the blame game is
avoided. By believing that God is able to turn things around, one's faith is
strengthened. This reinforces the belief that decisions made mutually, arrived at by
prayer, have the capacity to make the bond stronger.
Keeping the Sabbath day holy
When a couple take time to worship God, and enter into His rest, the result is more
energy, the rest of the week. However, when other priorities dictate, the couple
feels more dragged out, overwhelmed and burned out.
When a whirl of activities take precedence, it's easy to become snappy, and
overtired. This affects the relationship, because each other feels driven to please
others. When God is in first place, everything else has a way of falling into place.
When proper balance is achieved, it's amazing how much better couples feel in the
long run.
Love and respect
When couples have their disagreements, it's important to remember that your
spouse, is not the enemy. By treating your mate with love and respect, you can
make love last for a lifetime. By looking for the good, and downplaying the
negative, you can see your mate as a valuable ally, who has your back. Support
can be shown in different ways, but most often people are looking for someone
they can talk to. Someone who accepts them as they are. Although everyone has
negative traits, how the couple communicate with each other, often determines the
longevity of their marriage. Learning to speak the truth in love, goes a long way
toward resolving conflicts in the right manner. Anger and resentment must be
resolved quickly and not allowed to fester. For over time anger builds up and
creates a wall of indifference, that can often cause a marriage's demise. To make
love last two people must be good forgivers, and be patient with one another.
Allowing each other freedom to grow
When a couple have been married a while, they grow at different rates. Each
person has their own interests and giftings. While each spouse, may have differing
abilities and gifting, often they complement each other. The one who is strong in
one area, can help the weaker and vice-versa. Thus learning how to appreciate your
spouse's differences, can help keep love alive. So, it's important to find common
friendships and activities to participate in together. Learning the art of
encouragement. helps to make a marriage stronger, more resilient to outside
influences, and helps each other to complete what God has started.
Becoming an Optimist
Helping each other to see the positive and good in a situation, helps to bring each
other closer. Living by faith, by having a personal relationship with God, brings a
sense of security and common purpose. When a person sees things through God's
lens, things make a lot more sense, than previously thought. God wants us to
retain our joy, despite the trials and tribulations of life. When we stay connected to
God and His word, we have the ability to stay patient and endure through tough
times. Then we are able to impart that strength and courage to our spouse. Praying
in the spirit, (speaking in tongues), helps to edify us, and builds up our spirit man
to pray the exact will of God. Hitting the bullseye in directed prayer, helps us to
have confidence that not only does God hear our prayer, but that He also answers
our petitions. Keeping our hearts right before God, and living a holy life, causes us
to be a blessing, and to receive all that God has for us.
Building each other up.
When each spouse endeavors to show deference, it shows honor. And when one
sows honor, honor comes back. To maintain a healthy connection, each spouse
needs to feel heard, and that their input is valuable and needed. As one grows and
learns how to submit to The Lord, it becomes a lot easier to submit to our spouse.
When a person is able to humble themselves and seek the good of the other, over
their own welfare, this is a sign of maturity. Rms. 12:10 (Msg) states, Be good
friends who love deeply, practice playing second fiddle. Learning how to share
and compromise in making decisions, brings a couple closer and maintains the
spirit of unity
In conclusion, marriage should mirror our relationship with The Lord. As we love
God, then loving our spouse should be an outgrowth of that relationship. When we
know God intimately, then our relationship should be growing, and mutually
beneficial with our spouse. God bless and have a great Valentines's Day
Rhoda Banks, LCSW
rhodabanks@gmail.com
